Today I have been sitting here sleepless from last night and freezing on this chilly fall day thinking nonstop . My thoughts have turned to people I have made the mistake of thinking were my friends. It turns out they were just users. The memories of them are pretty vivid. Its sad but extremely true.
You know I am the type of person who has went way out of their way for people. I used to make some excellent money. The donations I have made into the thousands were really unimaginable. Looking back I often question my sanity to want to reach out and help so much. You know I never did it for appearance sake like some people I know do. It was private and sometimes even anonymous. It was all to make those who were suffering happy. I used to tell the people I helped to never tell anyone I helped them. Organizations would receive donations from me, the anonymous donor. It was my feeling that is was somewhat tacky to put your name on a site just to show that you deserved some kind of pat on the back. It is important to give from the heart.
Along the way I made the fatal error of thinking that some of these people even store owners to places I frequented were my friends. You know to this day I feel foolish for that. It somewhat bothers me as my judgment was so off. It happened a lot. Its almost cringeworthy. They have proved to be anything but real friends. I was basically made a fool of….
People will never remember all the good things you have done for them. It all boils down to what have you done for them lately. It seems like they focus on anything negative so they do not have to be bothered with you.You don’t even get a thank you in the end. My time was wasted as well in so many cases. Between doing things for them online and even in person or financially it was all so exhausting for me. It caused me to put myself last all the time. They say no good deed goes unpunished and that is an understatement for sure.
It sours you towards people.
It makes you bitter.
It makes you never want to trust again
You know at times it makes you question your own sanity…….
Sorry if this blog is depressing. It is just where I am at upon reflection…..