Many years ago when I was in my early twenties, I was in a very abusive relationship with a man a year older than me. He was Columbian adopted by Jewish parents. It is a typical domestic violence story as he was perfect at first, nice and attentive. He would take me places and we would have so much fun. It was within a month after I moved in with him that everything changed. There were some red flags but I was too young to realize it.
It lasted for 4 years with all kinds of physical and emotional abuse. He put me in the hospital several times. He isolated me from my friends as well as the world in general. Everything went on from gaslighting to constant games where he played the victim claiming I was a terrible person and his bad luck was all my fault. The silent treatment was his favorite game to play. It was a time of my life that was so surreal I would have welcomed death as I was no longer among the living. I was constantly threatened so I was scared to leave.
I became pregnant and he was very happy at first as he wanted another child as the one he already had was not allowed to seem thanks to his mother’s good sense. I struggled alone and pregnant as he would often go out for days at a time leaving me to do his dirty work running around the streets of East New York Brooklyn all night long. He started to have affairs with other women which made him grow more unbearable. The last straw was when he kicked me in the stomach when I was 8 months pregnant out of literally nowhere. I swore right then and there that I was going to do the right thing and give my child up for adoption.
I went to the nearest church and they right away helped me. It was such a struggle as by then when he knew what I was going to do so he did everything in the world to make sure I was miserable. The people at the church despised him. They did everything they could to go against him just to make sure I was ok.
I found parents through a private adoption service. I wanted private adoption as I was not going to put my child through any hell as he would have demanded to see her through her adoptive parents constantly. I did not want her to even know him. Private adoption is always best in my feelings as it also causes no confusion.
I gave birth to beautiful baby girl that April. I remember looking down into her eyes and wanting to just run away and take her with me but I remembered the promise I had made to that couple and signed my rights away…
People have mixed feelings when I tell them. Some really go out of their way to compliment me as to what a generous thing I did. Others act like its a tragedy whereas it is far from that as I am very happily childless. Some have even had the nerve to say to me that I was wrong and they would have never thrown away a baby. Those people are just ignorant.
Either way it was an event that was selfless and made a couple very happy. Tbat makes me happy not only for them but for my child.
Just because no one is there to witness your good acts in life does not make them any less significant…….