I have complex ptsd due to years of trauma that I will get into in a future blog. I walked into a therapy center looking for comfort and answers as to why was I feeling stressed out and bad all the time. I was prescribed XANAX . I really did not know much about it so I took it as directed . It was very good for my stress level and I felt better than I ever have before.It is amazing how I never googled it as I google everything from midget porn to eggplant recipes. It never occurred to me how dangerous it was.
I started off on .25mg and a year later I was up to 8mg!
I felt like I was underwater all the time. It was getting so bad I was stumbling and slurring without even taking a drink. My brain was in some sort of a fog. People started to ask me if I was ok all the time.Some people even thought I had a drug problem. I had become comfortably numb. There were things I did that were way out of character such as passing out with the stove on so the local police had to take me to a hospital along with having endless conversations on the phone that I could not remember which caused me to lose a lot of friends. The bedroom was where I spent a majority of my time as I even stopped driving . My depression got worse and worse. It got to the point where I just stopped eating as well. This went on for a very long time.
I got cut off due to an outstanding balance at this therapy center. I panicked as by then I had decided to google it and read about the withdrawals. It can cause seizures, hallucinations and death. My skin was crawling . I tried to wean myself off of it because after you call 50 places for help and keep getting turned down you tend to lose faith in the medical profession .It was so hard to beg and plead only to be met with sorry I do not take your insurance. I started to drink to keep the withdrawals at bay. I was down to 7mg a day and no amount of alcohol was enough to stop the pain I was going through. My paranoia grew worse and worse. There was a DNR order I signed at the nearest hospital as I did not want to live like that anymore. It ended up being ignored.
I fell into a deep sleep at the end of February 2015 and I remember I felt like I was coming down with the flu. Next thing I know I woke up in the hospital with a Dr standing over me saying
“you are not ready to check out yet huh?’
I had massive organ failure and had been on life support in a coma for a week.
People ask me what I saw in the coma. Well the best way to describe it would be like the picture down below ~~
It was like being in a long nightmare that you cannot wake up from…….
I often tell people~ hey well at least I got some sleep!
I spent the next 3 months in two hospitals and even a nursing home. I could not walk at all. You never know how helpless you really are until you cannot walk and you have people abusing you. It was terrifying. I was mistreated very badly by the staff at every single one which I will get to in another blog. It was disheartening. I was talked down to like a child and threatened. One Dr even threatened to unplug me when I would not let him scrape my burnt skin for stem cell research. This was after I was burned by a 45 minute MRI machine test that he ordered. I was bullied all the way.
My friends succeeded in breaking me out of the nursing home. I threatened to call 911 if they would not let me out,. The staff got so scared so they let me go. Both of my friends both had to carry me up the stairs as I still could not walk. You know I was in shock from that whole experience.
I then asked myself what the hell happened here?
I cried so hard all the time once I got home because I could not believe it. I eventually taught myself how to walk which took a long time. Youtube was very helpful to me at this point.The craziest thing of all was I was still withdrawing from xanax which is why I still could not walk or function yet not one Dr in these places ever thought of that because all they care about is money. They never look into situations..
I did eventually get a Dr to help me get off of it completely yet that is a whole other blog as to what happened there. It was pretty bad.
This drug should be off the market yet I am sure that the pharmaceutical companies are having fun cashing on on people’s misery. It is all about money as they are heartless like many in the medical profession that I have had to deal with around that time.
You know I have to honestly say I am sorry I ever came out of that coma at times…..